A rant on maternity clothing and what I think looks "professional"

I hate clothing shopping. I always have. One of the things I dreaded most growing up was the back to school clothing shopping, especially the search for jeans that would actually fit me. None of this has changed. But now that I have a preggy belly it's more complicated.

All I wanted was a simple, professional looking shirt to wear for my 15-minute presentation at Botany on Monday. I did manage to find a shirt that will work. However, I also came away with shocking insight into my ideas of what looks "professional," "sciency" and "serious".

Beware: major ranting ahead.

I went to Motherhood Maternity to find The Shirt. Yes, Motherhood makes cheaply-assembled crappy clothes and is overpriced. It's also pretty much the only option in Logan for anything beyond maternity t-shirts and jeans. So I sucked it up and went in there. Overbearing, overeager salesperson aside, it was not terrible. But the three rounds of trying on shirts in the dressing room, coupled with excessive scrutiny on my part, made the task really suck.

Things that I realized I didn't like about the shirt options:

• Ribbons or bows. These are inherently feminine, and thus not "professional" or "serious" enough for what I needed. Yes, I recognize this is a bullshit assumption. I know I could pull off a cute skirt with a little bow on it and still look professional. But if you lived in my head you would understand that girly does not equal serious, so ribbons are out.
• Puffy sleeves. These are both too feminine and too matronly. I have never ever ever liked puffy sleeves and am not about to start now.
• That damn elastic between the boobs and the belly that's supposed to make me look more shapely and cute? Annoying as hell. It rides up in the back, causing a Quasimodo poof between my shoulder blades while emphasizing that the shirt was really cut for someone a little more well endowed than myself. Screw that. Oh, and if you put a ribbon ON TOP of this annoying elastic? Double no from me.
  
• Pleating that shows off the belly. Yes, I'm pregnant. Yes, I'm happy to be pregnant. No, I don't want my shirt screaming "LOOK AT MY FERTILE WOMB" from 50 yards away.
• Ditto on the boob pleating. I'm trying to look "professional" and "serious," which apparently in my brain means that I must look as androgynous or close to male as possible. Males do not have boobs. Therefore shirts that draw attention to my boobs are out.

The wiring in my head that says "serious" "professional" "scientists" must look androgynous or male is totally fucked up. I realize this. I'm a woman, and I'm a scientist. I should not need to make myself look as masculine as possible in order to be taken seriously. Yet that's how things are coded in my brain - so much so that I visibly sneer at my reflection after putting on a maternity shirt that draws attention to my curves which I otherwise love so much right now. Because when I'm talking science I don't want to accentuate those things, I want to downplay them. Ugh.

I don't know where I'm going with this. I am totally fed up with myself for thinking like this, but glad that I recognize that I'm thinking like this. Where do I start with the reprogramming? How do I make it okay for myself to wear something feminine and cute AND think I still look professional. And why does it matter what anyone else thinks about what I'm wearing? Shouldn't they be paying more attention to the information I'm trying to share with them?

I was going to suggest the alternative of a professional conference in the nude, but... ummm... no. That opens up a whole nother can of worms, and I'm not ready to go there either.

Update on the dress saga

The dress issue has been resolved. Turns out I had a dress all along!

I was whining about finding a dress, hating shopping, etc. when J asked me to show him the dresses that I have. I started pulling things out of the closet, and found a pretty red dress that I bought at a consignment shop a couple of years ago (anticipating the red dress party, which I've never attended) and have never worn. I had dismissed this dress as an option as it is BRIGHT RED, a color I rarely wear. J asked me to try it on. I obliged. It's cute. It is actually cuter on me now than when I bought it. AND the top is breastfeeding-friendly. Did I mention it's cute?

That settled it. I'm wearing the red dress. But shoes? Accessories?

Found a pair of shiny black ballet flats at the store for more than 50% off, meeting my cheapskatey needs. I made a necklace and pair of earrings from beads I already had in my bead stash, probably totaling $6 with all the materials. Woohoo!

J is currently out shopping for a red tie that will look good with my dress without making him look like an MP (Member of Parliament - a Brit or Canadian politician). Besides, he could probably use a new tie anyhow.

Wardrobe issues solved. Now we just need to bake, clean and pack for the wedding followed by camping and climbing followed by Thanksgiving festivities. Hooray!

Dress shopping hell

In case you were wondering, I hate dress shopping. This is not a regular activity for me, as I rarely have occasion to wear dresses (other than hippie dresses that I can wear while chasing Doodle or riding my bike). The occasion prompting my latest dress hunt? My mother-in-law's wedding, which is occurring a week from Saturday. I have eight days to find a dress before we leave for the wedding destination. AAAAAAH!

This is why I'm struggling:
1) I'm a cheapskate. I hate the idea of spending $80+ on some crappily-assembled chiffon and sequin ugliness that I'll only wear once or twice.
2) Our local thrift stores are not helping me AT ALL. They offer lots of kindergarten-teacher-from-the-90's garb or the occasional size zero summer dress. Not much else.
3) I hate shopping, especially when those stupid dressing room mirrors make me realize how much my body has changed in the past few years and how my boob perkiness level will never be quite the same.
4) Have I mentioned my high standards mixed with cheapskateness? This is really not working well for me. *le sigh*

Any suggestions? I've tried Kohls - found one dress that was kinda meh. Haven't tried Dillards or Penney's yet. Those are the only other department stores we have. I guess I can look at the little mall shops. I really don't want to go into one of the Women's Boutiques downtown, as they specialize in outfitting the age 50+ ladies in the community and I'm really not shooting for the Relief Society President look (no offense, ladies, but you know what I mean).

Any ideas for even a style of dress to shoot for? The wedding is at 2pm on a casino riverboat in Nevada. Mother of the bride says we should dress nice, probably no pants for me. Added complication: Doodle is still breastfeeding on occasion. So ideally it wouldn't be something that I have to unzip or completely disrobe in order to nurse her. A skirt could work, but I need a nice top then too. Don't want anything with too busy of a pattern, as we'll probably be in some pics. Solid colors ask for Doodle to smear food on them, which stands out badly. GAH!

Any advice would be awesome. (Oh, and if you include footwear advice with your dress advice you get double the virtual hugs/cookies).

Thanks!